[That's all that comes out. Two letters and a finger spasm as
--the man standing before him is his father and is not his father at the same time, the father who raised him but who was not the father who cared for him, and he tells him what his heart already knows: everything that happened here, all the city's pain and grief, it's all his fault, he can't even begin to deny it - try as he might, and the man goes on about his hatred for his father and the mother who never loved him, and the long-dead father he'd rejected appears, suspended in space, on a cross; he speaks of how he'd wanted his son's generation to live free of pain and how foolish that dream had been, and the not-father speaks again and he can see into that ruin he left behind, the dying, eternally young and beautiful queen, asking him to be happy, and then she appears there, too, crucified beside his real father - and the not-father again tells him things his heart knows but his mind refuses to believe: that she is his mother, that she'd died to save him, that she knew who he'd been; and the not-father laughs and explains how thoroughly he'd destroyed his own family, and it's all true - but it's not over, even though he's on his knees it isn't over, the crosses are set ablaze and he watches his parents die again, watches them burn alive, and he knows it's his fault, it's all his fault, everything that's happened is his fault--
Lonán feels the scream rip from his throat more than he hears it. He can't move too much, not with Rommy sitting on him, but what can move does so, and wildly. Fingers claw at his head, wracked by blinding headache and memories that don't feel like they aren't his anymore both. He can't think, no longer knows where he is. In this moment, all is torment.]
no subject
[That's all that comes out. Two letters and a finger spasm as
--the man standing before him is his father and is not his father at the same time, the father who raised him but who was not the father who cared for him, and he tells him what his heart already knows: everything that happened here, all the city's pain and grief, it's all his fault, he can't even begin to deny it - try as he might, and the man goes on about his hatred for his father and the mother who never loved him, and the long-dead father he'd rejected appears, suspended in space, on a cross; he speaks of how he'd wanted his son's generation to live free of pain and how foolish that dream had been, and the not-father speaks again and he can see into that ruin he left behind, the dying, eternally young and beautiful queen, asking him to be happy, and then she appears there, too, crucified beside his real father - and the not-father again tells him things his heart knows but his mind refuses to believe: that she is his mother, that she'd died to save him, that she knew who he'd been; and the not-father laughs and explains how thoroughly he'd destroyed his own family, and it's all true - but it's not over, even though he's on his knees it isn't over, the crosses are set ablaze and he watches his parents die again, watches them burn alive, and he knows it's his fault, it's all his fault, everything that's happened is his fault--
Lonán feels the scream rip from his throat more than he hears it. He can't move too much, not with Rommy sitting on him, but what can move does so, and wildly. Fingers claw at his head, wracked by blinding headache and memories that don't feel like they aren't his anymore both. He can't think, no longer knows where he is. In this moment, all is torment.]