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Ran Mouri rmzepar@applenet.net
Shared the following message below:

I had a few questions to ask, if anyone can help:

1. Has it ever happened before that someone hasn’t completely Awakened? I mean . . . they remember some of their memories, but not all of them, and they never made a pact and never had anything appear like everyone else?

Is there a way to get them to Awaken completely?

2. Has anyone seen someone named Shinichi? He's been on the app before. I don’t know how to contact him otherwise. I don’t even know who he’s supposed to be in this place. He told me a few days ago he’d talk to me, and he left the app abruptly, and I haven’t seen him since. Is there a way to find out where he is?

(Shinichi, if you see this, you’d better say something!! You’re making me worried.)

3. Not quite as serious, but still important –- I need a place to practice karate. I guess I never learned it here, but if things are going to happen like that last battle, I need to make sure I practice and keep getting better. Does anyone else practice too? Having a partner –- or partners –- would be good!

Thank you!

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[The first part swipes away that fear, and she feels the clench of her stomach lessen.]

[And then a new one sweeps in and tightens it times twenty.]

Not safe? What do you mean?

I ended up in a bad situation here, and I can't leave yet.

What do you mean, "ended up?"

What happened?

[Worry levels rising.]

I can't give any details, but I'm handling it.

That's not good enough, Shinichi! You can't just tell me that and just say you're "handling it." That's not how it works. Or should work.

[What exactly "it" remains unclear. Possibly Ran herself couldn't immediately say.]

Give me something. I can't -- this can't be like home. I can't do it.

[There is a long silence before he responds.]

It's the false memories. The people around who have them of me. It isn't a good situation. I'd rather not draw their attention to any changes in my behavior.

[He felt awful creating a fictional situation for her to worry over. But it was better than her running into the real dangers that his real situation presented. ]

[She's losing patience with this fast. It isn't as though he really has reasons not to tell her on here; this app disappears as soon as anyone else is in near proximity. He's withholding from her, and there must be a reason why -- more than what he's giving her.]

That still doesn't explain why you couldn't meet me. It's not as though they don't let you out. Right?

Spill it.

Because I don't want you involved! If they realize that I know you, it could put you in danger.

[He couldn't help but allow some of the truth to fall inside the lie. ]

And it makes it better if you are?

[She'd typed the words barely even thinking, shooting them back at him just as she might have if they'd been face to face. Her eyes are stinging.]

Shinichi. Hattori-kun is here too. If you're really in trouble, we'll help you. Let us help.

I'm already involved.

[It hurt to push her away like this, but he had to. Hadn't he already resolved that he'd keep her away from the danger in his life, even it meant that she hated him? This was a lie, but there was too much truth in it.]

Just... stay with Hattori. And be careful.

That doesn't mean it's good.

How can you expect me to just watch?

I'm not going to. Even if you say that. Not this time.

I won't ask you to put yourself in danger! Here, at long last, some of his emotions begin to show. ] Don't ask that of me, Ran. Please.

I'm not asking for permission.

I can't wait knowing you're here and you're in trouble. Especially not with everything going on. I'll find you.

It's important to me.

It's important to me that you can stay out of this mess.

I don't want to be out of a mess when you're in it.

That's not how love works anyway. Right?

[Rhetorical question -- he'd better not answer it.]

Again, I'm not asking for permission. You don't get to decide for me, and I've already made up my mind.

[He freezes for a moment, too flustered to answer. Did she realize what she'd just implied? Or was it just the stress of the moment?]

You're such a troublesome case sometimes. What am I supposed to say to that?

[She doesn't realize it -- and probably won't until later. Then there will likely be all the mental flailing.]

[Those words, though, echo what he said before in London, and bring a small flush.]

You could just tell me where to find you. It would make it easier, and I wouldn't have to be "troublesome."

[She doesn't expect it. But that won't stop her from saying it.]

You already know that I won't.

[If he'd been free to come to her as his real self... But there was no use in speculating on that.]

I know.

[And she does. If he doesn't want her involved, he'll do all he can to prevent her. She'll have to find her own way.]

[She pauses a moment, then types:]

Can you at least call me? Or let me call you?

I'd really like to hear your voice right now.

[There is another long silence. More than anything, he wanted to do at least this much for her. He knew Ran, better than he knew anyone. He knew that she wasn't taking this situation as well as it seemed.

And it hurt him to give this answer, even though he knew there was no other choice.]

I'm sorry. I can't. And I can't tell you why. I'll talk to you through text as much as you need, but I can't call you.

[That's harder than the previous refusal. That one she was expecting. This one twists a bit more.]

[It's a strange response, too, the back of her mind notices. "I can't tell you why." There has to be a reason he can't for him to even say it so preemptively. This all feels strange.]

Mou, Shinichi . . .

[This is protest. Text isn't as private -- or as personal -- as voice or in person. His voice would have meant a lot to her.]

You can text me any time. [He insists on this point. ] I'll answer as fast as I can.

[It's not the same. Not at all. If she can't see him yet, can't touch him, she wants his voice at least, quiet and steady and practical in her ear.]

[She isn't going to get what she wants. Not in any of this. Forcing herself to swallow back the frustration of it, biting her lip, she hesitates a moment and switches to the PM function.]

I think . . . I'm just scared.

[She suspects he knows that already. She's afraid to say it even now, afraid to give him too much guilt . . . but she's also held it in for a long time as it is. Saying it aloud, confessing it to him . . . it feels like a relief. Though she'll show fear, she won't always say it; she'll keep it in as hard as she can. To him, she can give that vulnerability.]

[He'd guessed. He knew her, after all. But that didn't make it hurt any less that he couldn't go to her and simply be there.]

Being scared isn't a bad thing, you know.

Edited 2017-08-24 00:28 (UTC)

How isn't it a bad thing . . . ?

[It certainly feels bad. She doesn't like it. And with everything going on in this place, she really can't afford it.]

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